TOP STORIES
Looking Concerned #1 Doctor Activity
Expression preferred 2:1 to history taking, physical exam.
SPECIAL CORRESPONDENT: GUILLERMO KEISER -- SALINAVILLE, MONTANA --
Sneak preview of this exclusive report coming soon.
Student still insists that question #5 was poorly phrased
7/29/99 NEW YORK --
A unilateral cease-fire has been declared in the war over whether or not a student should have received points for question #5 on the third Host Defenses quiz, but negotiations between the rebel group of militant medical students and Dr. Falcone, faculty delegate and course director, are showing signs of breaking down...
Pharmaceutical firms race to acquire patent rights for cure-all miracle drug
7/29/99 NORTHBROOK, ILLINOIS --
Laughter is the best medicine, according to a new set of studies published simultaneously in several leading scientific journals...
Housing Officer almost tells all
NEW YORK --
Specimen caught up with Andrew Kane, housing office extraordinaire and big league good guy, to ask him 20 probing questions..
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REPORTS
7/29/99 BOSTON --
In a bold move by the Massachusetts Medical Licensing Board, members of the 12-member panel committee decided to censure Doctor Pepper, a twelve-ounce can of carbonated beverage. A special expert committee will be convened next week to decide the eventual fate of the tasty and refreshing doctor, who faces possibly ingestion...
7/28/99 NEW YORK --
In a 14-hour surgery that doctors called a breakthrough in medical science, a cardboard man with a red light bulb for a nose was operated on for removal of several foreign bodies, mostly plastic objects resembling everyday household objects as well as animals.
7/28/99 BOSTON -- "What we plan to do is to use lots of references to shows like Diff'rent Strokes and television commercials, and also throw in the word "ass" and other slang for body parts."...
7/27/99 NEW YORK --
Billionaire Sanford I. Weill announced that he will donate yet another 100 million dollars, earmarked for the construction of a "futuristic trailer park" for medical education. "I'm so proud," commented Antonio Gotto, Jr., Dean of the Weill Medical College...
Specimen gets loose
7/27/99 NEW YORK -- Specimen, a so-called humor publication, is reportedly a tongue-in-cheek series of news reports modeled loosely after The Onion, the Weekly Week, and other satirical humor publications with misleading names.
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